As a parent who lost a child to SIDS, there’s plenty of thoughts that replay in your mind. What could have been done differently? Who was at fault? What could have prevented this? I wish there more positives remembered then negatives.

Our Son

Our son was 26 days old when he passed. Those days were primarily a sleep deprived mama and the usual bottle, diaper, nap, cry, and repeat. Sure there were those brief moments when we got a glimpse of a personality but it was slight. He was just too young. The positive memories are the “what could have beens.” The hopes and dreams we had for our child. The foreshadowing of his growth and development. But there’s one thing for sure that can easily be dug back up by simply overhearing a news story on the television… the dreaded 911 call.

The Call

Over the years I’ve heard plenty of 911 calls being replayed on television and radio. Domestic abuse calls. Home invasion calls. There’s one I haven’t heard until tonight – “my baby isn’t breathing.”

Hearing the struggle and fright of the parent. Listening to the operator relay instructions for CPR. I soon began to remember my 911 call. Cover their mouth and nose with your mouth. Two breaths. Place two fingers on their breastbone. Press firmly. One. Two. Three. This felt like eternity. He’s not breathing! Panic sets in. Operator remains calm. Rescue is on their way. They are en route m’am. He’s not breathing! He’s cold, pale and clammy now. M’am please resume CPR. Hang in there. Help is on the way.

The Story

Hearing this replay on television sent a flood of emotions over me tonight. As my amazing daughter played at the table in the restaurant, I couldn’t help but notice I had briefly lost my breath and began to cry. I wish the news story had a happier ending then my own but sadly it did not. I hope the child’s family can find the strength to recover from the loss and if the young father was negligent or malicious, I hope he is punished to the fullest extent of the law! RIP baby Gabriel.

“Infant’s death leaves 3 mother’s grieving” – USA Today

Are you a parent of infant loss? Do you have similar experiences where something triggers a memory or emotion like this? How do you deal with it now?

fredericksburg, va | web developer. mac addict. mama to angel Wesley #FuckSIDS, rainbow Sadie Grace, a chihuahua (RIP) & an american bulldog. liberal all day! lefty gemini. double ones!